This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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