i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize