"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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