her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
