I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In other news, I just burned my penis
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We are all done wearing pants today
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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