His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
