it wasn't lemon gatorade
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
