Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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