found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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