we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
