Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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