piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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