I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
