How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
