I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
