Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
