come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I believe in your delicious
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
