first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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