apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
accomplished twins. life is a go
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
