Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
