i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
