I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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