Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This is my gift to your gina
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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