i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
