I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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