I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
