They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
