hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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