He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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