Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
