how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just want to make out with him forever
Randomize
