I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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