Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
