I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
