so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
