idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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