how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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