did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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