The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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