I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
