I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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