JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize