video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
