my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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