it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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