when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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