Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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