this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
