1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
