but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
