Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
everyone is single if you try hard enough
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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