btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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