Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
