i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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