a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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