I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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