it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
