I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
