so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
