Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
