Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
