I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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